September 21, 2009
Faithful are the wounds of a friend…a very wise proverb! Let me show you why.
I know him for 25 years this past February. He’s a really close friend…and boy,
did he lay the smack down on me today!!!
He told me straight. He pulled no punches. He challenged me that others had it worse and I needed to just accept where things were at for the time being because neither worrying nor griping about them would change a thing.
To be honest, inside I felt sorry for myself. Is this what good friends do? After all, he wasn’t being very compassionate. Couldn’t he see how much hurt this had brought me?
But was I looking for a balanced perspective or a boatload of sympathy? Okay, so it was the sympathy…I just wanted someone to commiserate. To tell my how unfair this was.
But what he gave me was like existential smelling salts.
Though my head snapped back in disbelief, I soon came to my senses realizing it was exactly what I needed to hear. Truth always anchors you! And real friends tell it like it is.
And to prove how good a friend he was, he called back later with a voice message of encouragement to make sure I had taken it well and I knew he was in my corner.
Looking back, I sense a theme surfacing…on another occasion when I had felt completely trashed by a co-worker, my very challenging executive coach at the time told me in very gracious and articulate words that continuing to focus on the negative circumstances and feeling sorry for myself would not get me anywhere.
So I asked him directly, “are you saying that I need to suck it up?”
He softly said, “Yes, I guess I am.”
No, not merely a trend…because at another intersection in my life with difficulty and chaos, a 3rd good friend called me account, “You have to shoulder this load – it’s your turn for hard times.”
What are you looking for in a friend? It’s so true that we all need a place where we can both brag or bellyache and be accepted for either. They can rejoice when you do and actually be happy for you. That can get choked with you at some injustice you have faced. Friends can hurt with you.
But…they don’t let you wallow in your emotional mud. Brooding over broken dreams only leads to bitterness and not betterment.
Good friends aren't afraid to speak truth to you even if it’s tough for you to hear it. Schmucks tell you what you want to hear; they tell you anything so you approve of them and their friendship. Listen to the right voices in your life.
Interesting that all three of these friends told me to go to God for the greatest sense of peace and wisdom in the confusion…so I did.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Monday, September 21, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
"9 - 11" - Facing Life's Tragedies
September 11, 2009
“9 – 11” – forever codeword for tragedy.
8 years ago today, you, and I, and the world would no longer be the same. I watched the catastrophic events unfold and gasped as the second tower was hit. Yes, I too had no reference points for seeing them collapse to the ground. And likely as most of you did…watched it over and over again on the screen and then over and over in my mind. People jumping, smoke fuming, clouds of dust, screaming, fire, confusion and mass destruction…unimaginable, but we witnessed it.
Burned on my memory forever.
That morning, I was getting ready to go teach my college class when I witnessed the beginning of the horrific carnage. Once at the class, and after a brief commentary to about 25 students training to work with youth, we prayed and then I told them to go back home and observe what would be one of the most historic events in their adult lives. It was.
What makes tragedies so impacting on our lives?
I can remember vividly the day 3 veteran medical specialists told me they didn’t know what the lump was on my 7-year old daughter’s back. I just wished it was on my back. I recall facing the news as a family about my wife’s potential cancer. No frame of reference for it. I am reminded now about getting the call when my son got hit by a car. How bad was he? Would he make it? And you have your tragedies too.
Why are tragedies, more than most of life’s events, so etched on our minds?
Here’s why.
Imagine playing with a deck of cards. You have played many rounds and shuffled and dealt out many a hand. By then, you have likely seen every card in the deck. You know the game. Then, somehow, the game changes. A new and really different card shows up unexpectedly; its appearance is strange , it has a dark and ominous look. It doesn’t fit any scheme of the deck as you see it. It just doesn’t make any sense.
Frankly, no one at the table quite knows what to do with it.
Tragedies are like that. You are dealt a really different “wildcard”. You don’t know what to do with it. It’s totally new to you. In some cases, its more than one card, you get a completely bad hand! It’s more than you can handle.
Then, have you ever felt that the entire deck is completely stacked against you? Things are going from bad to worse. You are not used to even seeing cards like this let alone having to play them. You just don’t know what to do. You have no reference points – no experience – no rulebook.
That’s when you have to reach out. Look for those who have experience with bad hands and then look beyond.
I have worked in the past as a crisis counselor in a hospital. When someone came into emergency and was dancing at death’s door or had even kicked it wide open with a cardiac arrest, it was my job to pull the family aside so the doctors could work. Not always easy.
Here’s what I found.
Regardless of their background or beliefs coming into the hospital, not one family turned down my request, “would you like me to pray for you?” Every time, with that deer in the headlight look, they’d reach out for what they couldn’t solve or answer on their own. There had to be something more. Did you know, that in times of crisis, 91% of people reach out to pray?
At life’s toughest crossroads, only God makes sense.
Are you facing your own version of 9 – 11? Relationships, finances, health, kids, marriage, job loss? Take your tragedy to a God – He’s player every hand before.
“9 – 11” – forever codeword for tragedy.
8 years ago today, you, and I, and the world would no longer be the same. I watched the catastrophic events unfold and gasped as the second tower was hit. Yes, I too had no reference points for seeing them collapse to the ground. And likely as most of you did…watched it over and over again on the screen and then over and over in my mind. People jumping, smoke fuming, clouds of dust, screaming, fire, confusion and mass destruction…unimaginable, but we witnessed it.
Burned on my memory forever.
That morning, I was getting ready to go teach my college class when I witnessed the beginning of the horrific carnage. Once at the class, and after a brief commentary to about 25 students training to work with youth, we prayed and then I told them to go back home and observe what would be one of the most historic events in their adult lives. It was.
What makes tragedies so impacting on our lives?
I can remember vividly the day 3 veteran medical specialists told me they didn’t know what the lump was on my 7-year old daughter’s back. I just wished it was on my back. I recall facing the news as a family about my wife’s potential cancer. No frame of reference for it. I am reminded now about getting the call when my son got hit by a car. How bad was he? Would he make it? And you have your tragedies too.
Why are tragedies, more than most of life’s events, so etched on our minds?
Here’s why.
Imagine playing with a deck of cards. You have played many rounds and shuffled and dealt out many a hand. By then, you have likely seen every card in the deck. You know the game. Then, somehow, the game changes. A new and really different card shows up unexpectedly; its appearance is strange , it has a dark and ominous look. It doesn’t fit any scheme of the deck as you see it. It just doesn’t make any sense.
Frankly, no one at the table quite knows what to do with it.
Tragedies are like that. You are dealt a really different “wildcard”. You don’t know what to do with it. It’s totally new to you. In some cases, its more than one card, you get a completely bad hand! It’s more than you can handle.
Then, have you ever felt that the entire deck is completely stacked against you? Things are going from bad to worse. You are not used to even seeing cards like this let alone having to play them. You just don’t know what to do. You have no reference points – no experience – no rulebook.
That’s when you have to reach out. Look for those who have experience with bad hands and then look beyond.
I have worked in the past as a crisis counselor in a hospital. When someone came into emergency and was dancing at death’s door or had even kicked it wide open with a cardiac arrest, it was my job to pull the family aside so the doctors could work. Not always easy.
Here’s what I found.
Regardless of their background or beliefs coming into the hospital, not one family turned down my request, “would you like me to pray for you?” Every time, with that deer in the headlight look, they’d reach out for what they couldn’t solve or answer on their own. There had to be something more. Did you know, that in times of crisis, 91% of people reach out to pray?
At life’s toughest crossroads, only God makes sense.
Are you facing your own version of 9 – 11? Relationships, finances, health, kids, marriage, job loss? Take your tragedy to a God – He’s player every hand before.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
