September 21, 2009
Faithful are the wounds of a friend…a very wise proverb! Let me show you why.
I know him for 25 years this past February. He’s a really close friend…and boy,
did he lay the smack down on me today!!!
He told me straight. He pulled no punches. He challenged me that others had it worse and I needed to just accept where things were at for the time being because neither worrying nor griping about them would change a thing.
To be honest, inside I felt sorry for myself. Is this what good friends do? After all, he wasn’t being very compassionate. Couldn’t he see how much hurt this had brought me?
But was I looking for a balanced perspective or a boatload of sympathy? Okay, so it was the sympathy…I just wanted someone to commiserate. To tell my how unfair this was.
But what he gave me was like existential smelling salts.
Though my head snapped back in disbelief, I soon came to my senses realizing it was exactly what I needed to hear. Truth always anchors you! And real friends tell it like it is.
And to prove how good a friend he was, he called back later with a voice message of encouragement to make sure I had taken it well and I knew he was in my corner.
Looking back, I sense a theme surfacing…on another occasion when I had felt completely trashed by a co-worker, my very challenging executive coach at the time told me in very gracious and articulate words that continuing to focus on the negative circumstances and feeling sorry for myself would not get me anywhere.
So I asked him directly, “are you saying that I need to suck it up?”
He softly said, “Yes, I guess I am.”
No, not merely a trend…because at another intersection in my life with difficulty and chaos, a 3rd good friend called me account, “You have to shoulder this load – it’s your turn for hard times.”
What are you looking for in a friend? It’s so true that we all need a place where we can both brag or bellyache and be accepted for either. They can rejoice when you do and actually be happy for you. That can get choked with you at some injustice you have faced. Friends can hurt with you.
But…they don’t let you wallow in your emotional mud. Brooding over broken dreams only leads to bitterness and not betterment.
Good friends aren't afraid to speak truth to you even if it’s tough for you to hear it. Schmucks tell you what you want to hear; they tell you anything so you approve of them and their friendship. Listen to the right voices in your life.
Interesting that all three of these friends told me to go to God for the greatest sense of peace and wisdom in the confusion…so I did.
Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts
Monday, September 21, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
The Power of Words
September 4, 2009
Last night, something totally unusual happened to me. A total stranger blew me away with encouragement. I am still reeling, wondering how that was even possible.
Donalyn and I had agreed to have dinner and a visit with a former student that we hadn’t seen in 23 years. She is married and lives in Southern California. Her husband was busy with an evening meeting and would join us later. We reminisced and shared our journeys over the last 2 decades.
In college, I had been her professor and had spent quite a bit of time with her working through a number of very difficult personal issues (yes, I was her counselor). It appears by her story that God used our time together to give her hope and perspective when she was struggling to the point of life itself. Hope is a very good thing.
Why do I tell you this background? Well, picture with me what was going on in my head. I was her teacher, her counselor. She was the student. I had a goal. And last night, I had decided I was going to build into her life once more. I went there to bring words of encouragement. I went there to give hope…to help them.
That is NOT what happened. God had other plans.
No matter how intentional I was in trying to be there for them, affirm their journey, give wisdom and all, I repeatedly became the major recipient of untold nuggets and wisdom and mostly from a man I had never met before.
I am far more used to the caring role. I am in my zone when I am counseling. It’s me that repeatedly gives of myself to others (don’t think I’m looking for accolades either…it’s my life). But I give far easier than I receive.
It’s hard to take off the care-giving shoes and let someone care for me.
But boy, did it happen. He listened deep. He asked direct and even bold questions about the recent and difficult transition and deep hurdles I was working through because of it. He saw points where he could identify with me and shared his life and journey through similar hurdles in such an authentic and unflattering way. His openness and directness completely disarmed me.
This man knew my pain.
He verbalized what I was afraid to even admit to myself. He had been there and he gave me permission to be where I was at. He validated my journey and legitimized my inner turmoil in a way that was so freeing. No moralizing; no principles to try to get through it; not even any pep-talks about faith or God.
He said it was okay to be where I was at…that this was part of my journey.
And he listened more. But not just to me, though I felt so completely understood. He listened to the inner voice of God’s Spirit prompting him about me. God spoke to me through the words of this stranger with such riveting insights and refreshing grace.
The truth is…I could have sat with them all night, the peace was so pervasive. Perspective brought hope. Hope is real good.
Will you let someone care for you? There is power in words- words can convey truth that transforms.
Last night, something totally unusual happened to me. A total stranger blew me away with encouragement. I am still reeling, wondering how that was even possible.
Donalyn and I had agreed to have dinner and a visit with a former student that we hadn’t seen in 23 years. She is married and lives in Southern California. Her husband was busy with an evening meeting and would join us later. We reminisced and shared our journeys over the last 2 decades.
In college, I had been her professor and had spent quite a bit of time with her working through a number of very difficult personal issues (yes, I was her counselor). It appears by her story that God used our time together to give her hope and perspective when she was struggling to the point of life itself. Hope is a very good thing.
Why do I tell you this background? Well, picture with me what was going on in my head. I was her teacher, her counselor. She was the student. I had a goal. And last night, I had decided I was going to build into her life once more. I went there to bring words of encouragement. I went there to give hope…to help them.
That is NOT what happened. God had other plans.
No matter how intentional I was in trying to be there for them, affirm their journey, give wisdom and all, I repeatedly became the major recipient of untold nuggets and wisdom and mostly from a man I had never met before.
I am far more used to the caring role. I am in my zone when I am counseling. It’s me that repeatedly gives of myself to others (don’t think I’m looking for accolades either…it’s my life). But I give far easier than I receive.
It’s hard to take off the care-giving shoes and let someone care for me.
But boy, did it happen. He listened deep. He asked direct and even bold questions about the recent and difficult transition and deep hurdles I was working through because of it. He saw points where he could identify with me and shared his life and journey through similar hurdles in such an authentic and unflattering way. His openness and directness completely disarmed me.
This man knew my pain.
He verbalized what I was afraid to even admit to myself. He had been there and he gave me permission to be where I was at. He validated my journey and legitimized my inner turmoil in a way that was so freeing. No moralizing; no principles to try to get through it; not even any pep-talks about faith or God.
He said it was okay to be where I was at…that this was part of my journey.
And he listened more. But not just to me, though I felt so completely understood. He listened to the inner voice of God’s Spirit prompting him about me. God spoke to me through the words of this stranger with such riveting insights and refreshing grace.
The truth is…I could have sat with them all night, the peace was so pervasive. Perspective brought hope. Hope is real good.
Will you let someone care for you? There is power in words- words can convey truth that transforms.
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