Critical Facts: Becoming Grace on Steroids

September 16, 2009

I have a critical side…no; some of you don’t get it yet. I am scrutiny on steroids!

You’d likely never notice it. After all, it doesn’t look very good to be the counselor, speaker, educator and former pastor type and walk around with an critical edge toward people. Not good for image.

So, I wear the mask of acceptance as good as the next person. For the most part, I have managed to keep my critical analysis internal. Though, there is no doubt that my wife and a few close friends have heard my opinions…my rantings!

I have always had an innate inclination to pass judgment on people. I don’t even know why or if it is more than the next person. I just know me. Regardless, it’s sad I know, especially when the “good book” says so clearly, “judge not, lest you will be judged, Dave.”

Enter my journey. For years I had a pet peeve – no, more of a negative grudge - about people being out of work. It seemed to me with any kind of initiative there is always work to be had. So, I have been antagonistic towards anyone who made excuses but had their hand out. In my mind, how pathetic, get a job!

The plot thickens. Now, as they say, I am “in between” jobs. ME…can you believe it?

I am the one without work. Talk about humbling but then…talk about convicting. Things look so different from here. I have a story. I can explain. But so many don’t know why or care to find out why I am “in between”. I could now be the recipient of someone’s distain; I could be judged for being out of work.

To make things worse, I had no say in how I got here and I don’t control how soon the next job will surface. I have all of a sudden developed a more compassionate outlook.

It’s been said you shouldn’t criticize another’s journey until you have walked a mile in their shoes. There is such truth to that. A lesson is beginning to form…you can sense it too.

I have always tended to judge others by their actions while measuring myself by my intentions. People always fell short. I could have easily chosen to cut them some slack but instead, I found myself looking at people around me with a microscope while counting on their use of a telescope.

I could justify judging others because I have always been hard on myself. I pushed myself and demanded excellence in all that I did. And I expected the same of those around me, whether it was spoken or unspoken. But my critical eye and demeanor didn’t end with general others in my life but extended to coworkers and of course, even my family.

Sadly and tragically, that’s where trouble sets in. You can end up spending your life scrutinizing those closest to you. You become adjudicator of their daily performance. Though you might mean well, next thing you know, through your harmless “comments, expectations, suggestions or evaluations,” your critical edge pushes the very people you love away.

The dead-end of judgment is a brick wall that cripples you!

By the way, this is not a new lesson for me either. I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons and I’ve regretted saying or implying many things. A number of years back, I even spent an entire year just focusing on one word - Graciousness – the art of extending grace and understanding to others…especially those I love.

You can change, you know. I am counting on it. Some say I have begun to some degree. But I am asking both God and the people I am accountable to for help in becoming “Grace on Steroids.”