Relational Residue

September 3, 2009

I hate to admit this…I am a man with a grudge.

Embarrassing I know. Not really becoming for a relational coach with a national TV show. I ran into this guy in the airport today. Just seeing him brought back like a flood, the painful memory of the one-liner he said to me over 8 years ago. Sheesh…8 YEARS! It bugs me that it still agitates me.

Hold it…let me at least try to defend myself. I know I have a strong constitution and that’s likely part of the problem (more on that later) but bitterness for this long…just doesn’t seem right. Okay, so I know it’s not right!

Back then, my wife and I were transitioning to the non-profit sector where personal financial backing in terms of monthly support from donors was the core of the plan. After he had heard of our new direction that implied financial backing, he said to me, “Now I guess you’ll come crawling to me begging for money!” (Ouch…). I determined that day that I would NEVER ask him to help us with our new calling. I would never give him the privilege to be part of what we were doing.

I never did. And smugly too.

But God has a sense of humor. Within a year, his married kids came to me for help. No, I didn’t ignore them or have no time for them. Just the opposite. I went overboard to extend myself to them. And inside, I wanted him to know I was the better man…since I was sure God would already be impressed.

God was REALLY impressed alright. The truth is that He had wanted me then to get things right with this man and help his kids for all the right reasons…to be authentic and all. But no, instead I played some kind of “holier than thou” chess game.

And I lost most of all.

Face it. People say things that they regret later. We all do. We say things that get misunderstood or taken wrongly. It happens all the time. That day, his line may have even been a weak attempt at humor but no, I incriminated him in my heart to the full extent of my inner law.

Now we cruise at 30,000 feet within 30 feet of this guy and I am wondering what it will take for me to let it go once and for all…to release him and the grudge. I know what to do. I really do. It’s my life to know these things. What stops me?

Pride.

Too proud to bring it up and look petty. To proud to admit I carried this for 8 years. Too proud to have to confess my grudge and arrogance. Too proud to ask for forgiveness. Downright embarrassed and just too proud.

But I also know that taking the step actually frees me. It is a gift to me. Bitterness it stupid. It’s like drinking poison and thinking that someone else will die. But taking steps of forgiveness opens the door for both personal well-being and relational wholeness. It brings a smile to God’s face too. No one regrets getting things right with someone.

And I won’t.

Well, I know you are wondering. If you are reading this…you can safely picture what happened at the luggage carousal because by now it did.

Do you have any relational residue?