TRUST- When Deep Confidence is Clear

September 13, 2009

Yesterday, I said, “I trust you…” to someone. In spite of surface tensions that could indicate contrary, deep in my heart, I knew I could maintain confidence in him.

Trust…what comes to your mind as to why you can fully trust someone?

I have experienced this many times but more often with the shoe on the other foot. I have witnessed blind trust before when people in crisis have needed to rely on me.

In the counseling office when a marital explosion and betrayal left the heart of the person empty and in despair, my words of affirmation that things could still turn around, anchored them with hope because they had grown to trust me. One person even said they would hope on my hope.

At the scene of a tragic, violent incident when help had not arrived yet, while cradling the bloody head of a stranger in my hand, I whispered words of support and strength to these panicky, searching eyes. I will never forget his barely audible plea, “don’t leave me…” TRUST…blind trust.

Then there was the day when my son Mitch was hit by the car. In his fear and apprehension of the growing pain, the clamoring crowd, the screaming ambulance and then the strangeness of the hospital, his little heart was becoming overwhelmed. When I said, “you’re going to be okay” into those tear-filled eyes so locked into mine, something transforming happened. He relaxed and buried his head in my chest for a comforting hug. Why? Trust. In this case, Dad said it would be ok…so that was good enough for him.

But why? What earns this trust? What brings the confidence?

A good number of things have already taken place when a person says, “I trust you…” I am reflecting on my current experience with a friend as well as a multitude of observations of helping people for more than 3 decades. Here’s how it shakes down to me.

To extend trust, people have experienced a compassion that clearly screams that they are important. They have felt a real empathy and warmth and know that you have their best interests at heart. They are safe with you even when they are not with you.

Some people trust because they have observed your character of life over time. To them, they have observed a trustworthy life, what’s said is done. Your word is your bond. You have come through for them before and have rarely, maybe even never let them down. There’s a dependable nature about you, a consistency inside and out.

Finally, people observe your convictions. You live what you believe. You have spoken your beliefs and commitments and there is clear evidence that you follow them. There is the integrity of a “no compromise” approach to life. You walk the talk. And when you combine this integrity with longevity, trust flourishes. You become a gift to anyone in your world.

Back to yesterday. What do I see going on? My friend has expressed great compassion for me. He has gone to immeasurable lengths to show he loves me. He is a man of character. I have watched him. His word is his word…period. And yes, there’s no doubt he is a man of conviction. His principles are true and followed whether its convenient or not and even when it costs him dearly.

And that’s why I trust him.

So the next time someone says "I trust you" or when deep in your heart you feel strongly that you can place your confidence in another…you may have a better feel for why. Trust is a good thing to develop and extend.