October 21, 2009
I believe every man needs a “Few Good Men!”
Don’t think this is a sexist thing. Ladies, I admit that you seem to have this part of life figured out better than we do. You share your struggles so freely. You enter into each other’s pain and loss with reckless abandon. You solve problems by consensus. You express your support unreservedly. By nature, you are more compassionate, more empathetic, and more engaged with one another.
Men are another story. We can be lone rangers.
I borrow the title, “A Few Good Men”, from the 1992 movie, as I am referring to what most men are missing – that deep sense of brotherhood – a bond of trust with a pledge of undying support from a handful of key others. These are men who, no different than firefighters, are there to hold the net when you are forced to jump by faith into the darkness and fog below. We all have those threatening times and we need people – real safety nets.
Recently and tragically, a man is his fifties in our network ended his life. So sad. He is gone. His family is devastated. I hurt deeply for them but I wonder what would have happened if he had had a safety net...a few good men that he could have decided to open up to in his pain. But no, he had downplayed any perceived difficulties even to his family. For him, he pretended everything was just fine...at least until the garage door was closed and locked from the inside.
He had no safety net.
We see the most graphic depictions of men paying the price for each other in war movies like Blackhawk Down or Saving Private Ryan. Here we see male heroics go to the extremes for the life of one of their buds. Over the years, the words “I got your back” has grown to mean a ton to many men...at least to those who have had a taste of what that backing feels like.
I have had that taste. Now I can’t live without it.
And it was pointed out to me this week that I was so wise to have a few good men in my life to bounce off life’s deepest questions and most complicated moments. Me wise...I don’t know, but incredibly fortunate...without any doubt!
You see, I am on a journey right now through a dark and difficult valley that is totally foreign to me. My vocational malaise forces me to painstakingly navigate my way almost daily around ditches and drop-offs like disappointment, betrayal, and invalidation. Being in this uncharted emotional territory of insignificance with such imminent existential danger feels almost like going through “the valley of the shadow”.
I am there.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get out the other side...if I will make it. Yet, it would be so much worse if I were trying to go it alone.
Enter a few good men...more important, MY few good men. Deep in my guts I know they will leave no man behind! They have me covered.
There is such power instilled through a trusted, assuring voice, such validation given in the recognition of pain and loss, and such renewed perspective gained through listening to wise words.
One guy calls just to find out how I am really doing and doesn’t accept the surface answer. A second challenges me to let go of a hurt that is suffocating me. Another looks me in my face and says, “It ain’t over Currie, there’s more” referring to a good future still ahead. One even leaves a voice message actually praying for me. Unbelievable!
As the wise proverb says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” We all need a few good people to bring the best out of us...to be our safety net from what life throws at us.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Power of Eyes
October 4, 2009
How could mere moments mean so much?
We, a family grouping of 6, were weaving our way single file through the parties waiting in the crowded entrance of Red Robin. I could sense my inner relief that we had gotten in and out before this rush. Then, in the throng, a familiar face came into view. A warm greeting of a good friend is always welcome, especially if you haven’t seen them for a while. Yet, this brief intersection of life had every potential of being merely a routine and polite exchange.
That’s why I write this. It could have been so typical, so mundane, but wasn’t.
The setting was pregnant with complexity. The distractions outnumbered the opportunities for anything more than a “hi”. After all, the place was teeming with activity, patrons jammed together, we were standing in the doorway, and half of my group had already left the building. But in a brief surreal moment, above the din of the tumult around us, a gift was given.
You see, this young mom with her 2 girls anchored safely in front of her, after a brief hug of greeting, was intentional to ask, “How are you doing.” What sounds very normal and very safe turned out to be so much more.
As incredibly lifting as her interest was, the power of her eyes is what touched me.
Kind eyes, caring eyes, genuine eyes. Eyes that spoke volumes though words were few. Eyes that made sure her concern was connecting and not being discarded. Eyes that searched for an answer not from my response, but rather from my heart.
There was something about her eyes…penetrating but not in an unnerving kind of way. You see with her question came with what felt like a refreshing deluge of empathy, like a waterfall of compassion, with every nourishing drop screaming “I am concerned about you!”
We know that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Eyes convey or deny truth. Why do you think we say to our children under interrogation, “look me in the eyes”? Because eyes tell all.
Eyes can say so much when there aren’t words to say. They confirm and bring with them a power that more than doubles the message…far more.
Her interaction with me didn’t cost her a lot but enriched me like crazy. I felt that windfall feeling like when a kid finds a cherished and celebrated quarter under the pop machine.
In those brief moments, the power of her eyes overflowed with the true meaning of “How are you doing?” There was a validation of my worth – as her eyes affirmed, “You matter to me.” There was a verification of love – as her eyes corroborated, “I care deeply about you.” And there was a confirmation of authenticity – as her eyes convinced me, “I am behind you in this.”
So when you and I take a moment to give an encouraging word to a friend, learn the lesson of the eyes. Maximize your message. Say it beyond words.
Others around me would have been oblivious to the impact that those brief moments had on me. My friend herself knows only the half at best.
Though she will remain anonymous, I called her this afternoon to thank her personally before I posted this.
How could mere moments mean so much?
We, a family grouping of 6, were weaving our way single file through the parties waiting in the crowded entrance of Red Robin. I could sense my inner relief that we had gotten in and out before this rush. Then, in the throng, a familiar face came into view. A warm greeting of a good friend is always welcome, especially if you haven’t seen them for a while. Yet, this brief intersection of life had every potential of being merely a routine and polite exchange.
That’s why I write this. It could have been so typical, so mundane, but wasn’t.
The setting was pregnant with complexity. The distractions outnumbered the opportunities for anything more than a “hi”. After all, the place was teeming with activity, patrons jammed together, we were standing in the doorway, and half of my group had already left the building. But in a brief surreal moment, above the din of the tumult around us, a gift was given.
You see, this young mom with her 2 girls anchored safely in front of her, after a brief hug of greeting, was intentional to ask, “How are you doing.” What sounds very normal and very safe turned out to be so much more.
As incredibly lifting as her interest was, the power of her eyes is what touched me.
Kind eyes, caring eyes, genuine eyes. Eyes that spoke volumes though words were few. Eyes that made sure her concern was connecting and not being discarded. Eyes that searched for an answer not from my response, but rather from my heart.
There was something about her eyes…penetrating but not in an unnerving kind of way. You see with her question came with what felt like a refreshing deluge of empathy, like a waterfall of compassion, with every nourishing drop screaming “I am concerned about you!”
We know that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Eyes convey or deny truth. Why do you think we say to our children under interrogation, “look me in the eyes”? Because eyes tell all.
Eyes can say so much when there aren’t words to say. They confirm and bring with them a power that more than doubles the message…far more.
Her interaction with me didn’t cost her a lot but enriched me like crazy. I felt that windfall feeling like when a kid finds a cherished and celebrated quarter under the pop machine.
In those brief moments, the power of her eyes overflowed with the true meaning of “How are you doing?” There was a validation of my worth – as her eyes affirmed, “You matter to me.” There was a verification of love – as her eyes corroborated, “I care deeply about you.” And there was a confirmation of authenticity – as her eyes convinced me, “I am behind you in this.”
So when you and I take a moment to give an encouraging word to a friend, learn the lesson of the eyes. Maximize your message. Say it beyond words.
Others around me would have been oblivious to the impact that those brief moments had on me. My friend herself knows only the half at best.
Though she will remain anonymous, I called her this afternoon to thank her personally before I posted this.
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