The Power of Eyes

October 4, 2009

How could mere moments mean so much?

We, a family grouping of 6, were weaving our way single file through the parties waiting in the crowded entrance of Red Robin. I could sense my inner relief that we had gotten in and out before this rush. Then, in the throng, a familiar face came into view. A warm greeting of a good friend is always welcome, especially if you haven’t seen them for a while. Yet, this brief intersection of life had every potential of being merely a routine and polite exchange.

That’s why I write this. It could have been so typical, so mundane, but wasn’t.

The setting was pregnant with complexity. The distractions outnumbered the opportunities for anything more than a “hi”. After all, the place was teeming with activity, patrons jammed together, we were standing in the doorway, and half of my group had already left the building. But in a brief surreal moment, above the din of the tumult around us, a gift was given.

You see, this young mom with her 2 girls anchored safely in front of her, after a brief hug of greeting, was intentional to ask, “How are you doing.” What sounds very normal and very safe turned out to be so much more.

As incredibly lifting as her interest was, the power of her eyes is what touched me.

Kind eyes, caring eyes, genuine eyes. Eyes that spoke volumes though words were few. Eyes that made sure her concern was connecting and not being discarded. Eyes that searched for an answer not from my response, but rather from my heart.

There was something about her eyes…penetrating but not in an unnerving kind of way. You see with her question came with what felt like a refreshing deluge of empathy, like a waterfall of compassion, with every nourishing drop screaming “I am concerned about you!”

We know that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Eyes convey or deny truth. Why do you think we say to our children under interrogation, “look me in the eyes”? Because eyes tell all.

Eyes can say so much when there aren’t words to say. They confirm and bring with them a power that more than doubles the message…far more.

Her interaction with me didn’t cost her a lot but enriched me like crazy. I felt that windfall feeling like when a kid finds a cherished and celebrated quarter under the pop machine.

In those brief moments, the power of her eyes overflowed with the true meaning of “How are you doing?” There was a validation of my worth – as her eyes affirmed, “You matter to me.” There was a verification of love – as her eyes corroborated, “I care deeply about you.” And there was a confirmation of authenticity – as her eyes convinced me, “I am behind you in this.”

So when you and I take a moment to give an encouraging word to a friend, learn the lesson of the eyes. Maximize your message. Say it beyond words.

Others around me would have been oblivious to the impact that those brief moments had on me. My friend herself knows only the half at best.

Though she will remain anonymous, I called her this afternoon to thank her personally before I posted this.